Uncontrollably excited as I wait for my second trial dose of sleep treatment. I have spent the last 29 days looking forward to being in complete bliss once again. I wonder if I can be with him again.”
I lay on the crisp clean bedspread. My fingers trail a lazy path against the side of my hip. Just trying to distract myself from the worst part of this test. I hate needles and they need me cannulated just in case. I can feel the sweat on my palms as I wait anxiously alongside the bustling nurses. I just took two purple tablets and I don’t feel a thing. Last time I’m sure my whole body felt vibrant. Maybe it’s because I know what to expect, maybe I just want the doctor to hurry up with the knock out gas.
The nurse is talking to me but I try to block her out as she takes my hand and swipes an anaesthetic wipe over the back of it. I cringe and flinch as the sharp tip of the needle pierces my skin, I’m holding my breath as the bottom of my feet start sweating too. Please let the worst be over. I let my breath out in a rush and drag in a much needed lungful as soon as the tape is secure. I open one eye to watch her test the cannula with the saline water. My arm tremors ever so slightly at the cold liquid going through my vein. My body shivers, then I relax into the pillow.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been waiting, but the monitor beside me looks steady as it reads my respiration and heart rate. I watch my heart rate flicker between 80-85bpm. Suddenly the doctor appears and I think everything is ready for me to take another walk in my perfect dreamland. I can feel the strap of the face mask resting on the top of my ears and I don’t like where the plastic mask sits on the bridge of my nose but it’s well worth it for my scheduled 20 minute voluntary induced sleep session. I count backwards from 10 but everything begins to get hazy when I get to 6. I think I am still counting when everything goes black as my eyelids close. I feel my head lull to the side and wait for the sunlight to come back, for the sand to tickle the undersides of my feet, for the rush of welcoming warmth that I was greeted with at my first trial.
But it’s still dark. My eyes begin to adjust as it seems this time my imagination will be welcoming me with a beautiful evening. I walk along the riverbed and admire the swinging lanterns above my head. I’m still waiting for everything to fall into place when all of a sudden I slip and splash, my bag falls straight into the water. I run along as the current carries it downstream, my eyes scan the surroundings whilst I wonder when someone will jump out to save me. Feeling a bit out of breath but with a stroke of luck, my bag catches on a clump of moss. I look around but there’s still no one here. I sigh and realise there’s no one out to help me tonight so I lie on the grassy verge and stretch.
All of a sudden I feel a pair of hands grab me by the ankles and throw me head first into the water. I scream as the river pulls at me. I taste the earthy water and try to calm down. My heart is racing, my lungs are fighting. I feel anger course through me instead of fear. I should be scared as hell because I know I can’t swim, but I hear laughter and I’m not sure who would find this funny. I keep splashing and gulping both air and water at the same time, recognition hits me as his throaty laugh pierces through me. I scream once again as he grabs me by the hip and spins me around to face him. Before I even look, I know it is him.
I throw my arms around his neck with a grin on my face as I kiss him over and over again. Then I remember what he did and I try to push away as I beat at his broad, topless chest. I feel exhilarated, breathless, alive and grateful. I’m bursting with adrenaline and love. I thought he was gone forever, now in the past 30 days I have been given the chance to spend a few more moments with him. His arms keep a firm hold on me as he looks at me like he’s never letting go again. I give up my fight and lean into the crook of his neck and inhale his honey sweet scent. I’ve missed him so much. I run my hands through his hair and gasp when his lips graze my neck. All thoughts of safety and anger fade as I absorb the goodness from his presence.
Then the soothing voices surround me and I realise my time is up. My second treatment has ended and I feel cheated of my time, but I am peaceful and calm and grinning from ear to ear as my eyes squint at the dimmed light. The nurse strokes my forehead as she tells me to go back to sleep whilst they monitor me for a few more hours.
I’m still floating like a cloud as I relive every second with him. I can’t wait until day 60 when my third trial starts and I get another 10minutes added to my session. 30 whole precious minutes. I feel great. I want to keep living and I feel loved again.”
Written by Ling Lee (27/05/14).
The sleep treatment is designed to help relieve stress, help cure depression and other mental and psychological issues. Trial 2 was supposed to be good things only, but fear was induced. My idea is, the longer my character is induced, the more complicated her thoughts become… A fresh idea. I already know what will happen if I continue with this piece.
I feel proud of this piece of work because I haven’t been able to find the time or mentality to even try for such a long time. I hope I can did more quiet time soon. Please feel free to comment. Every comment is very much valued and necessary for improvement. Thank you for your time and support.