The Darkness

The Woman I Call Mummy: Story Extract

“The scent of sugar and pastries waft in the air leaving my mouth gaping open as I try to eat everything I can smell. My mouth waters whilst my belly rumbles as I consciously unwrap my arms from around my thin body. My cheeks ache from the forced smile on my face. My eyes concentrate solely on the woman I call Mummy. I watch her make her way round the school fundraiser, chattering away to every mother and child as she encourages them to buy raffle tickets and all the sugary goodness on sale.

I flinch ever so slightly as her fingers ruffle the next child’s hair, subconsciously I rub the sore patch on the back of my head from my so called accident. She looks at me and before she can ignore my presence, another mother has just noticed me and urges her to give me a chocolate covered donut from her stall. As her lips curl up into a smile, I can see the fire and hatred in her eyes. I squint away my tears and skip toward her.

She leans over with her arms outstretched as she awkwardly holds me by the shoulders and pulls me toward her. Her lips meet the top of my head but I can feel her tense and grit her teeth as she lingers for just a second before standing up tall again. Glancing around, she plasters that grin back on her face as the same woman tells her what a wonderful child she has. I feel the slightest flicker of warmth in my heart, then that familiar ache settles in my chest as I remember mother will never love me…”

Written by Ling Lee (19/10/13)

Advertisements
Categories: Story Extract, The Darkness, Writing Ideas | Tags: | Leave a comment

Broken Dreams: Story Extract

“I’ve fallen hard and there’s no one around to hear my hysterical outburst. My heart is pounding, looking for a way to escape from my body because the pain has become too much to endure. Tears stream from my eyes and mucus runs from my nose but I only have two hands that can’t keep up with the wiping. My lungs are fighting for breath but I wish I could just stop breathing.

I think this is me giving up. With a dream too far away to reach and any hopes have been shattered like a crystal glass. Hope is a beautiful thing but once it’s broken, it splinters into too many pieces to put back together. Don’t get too close to the broken pieces because every piece hurts, reminding me of the hope that once was.

With a hollow, empty stare my reflection mocks me in the glass window. Transparent, almost invisible just like me in this world. I see the first fold at the corner of my eyes and I feel the weight of my 30years crash down on me. My first wrinkle as a reminder of the hardships I’ve been through. Another tear slides across my cheek as I accept my fate and clench my jaw, biting against the emotional torture, fighting for control once more…”

Written by Ling Lee (16/10/13)

One day when you look into the mirror and suddenly see all that is real. Wishing to turn back the years only to make the same mistakes all over again. I see laughter and smiles all outside of my reach. It hurts that much more to see it but not have it. Life means nothing without happiness.

Categories: Depression, Story Extract, The Darkness | Tags: , | Leave a comment

Trying to Drown: Story Extract

“I thought I was stronger. Everything I have fought for in this life means absolutely nothing when my last reason to smile has vanished. Faced with uncertainty from the bad choices I have made, I drag my beat up body across the border. The line that divides the heavens and the earth.

The first thing that hits me is the sheer coldness of the water seeping into my shoes and spreading from my toes to my ankles, creeping up my shins right up to my knees. I keep pushing forward as a wave pushes me back, it feels like my spirit has already rushed on without me. My instincts urge me to turn and head for land, but my mind is stronger as I struggle to stay upright, pushing on deeper. Broken shells crunch under my feet, tears roll down my cheeks, dripping into the water as I stride with purpose behind every step. Slipping on a slimy patch of undergrowth I lose balance. With my arms outstretched I instinctively try to break the fall. My palms splash through the water followed quickly by the rest of my defeated body. As my head submerges, survival mode kicks in. I hold my breath as my mind fights for my body to give life another chance.

My lungs scream for oxygen, desperate to inhale, I know I will drown if I breathe in. Confusion settles in as I came here to drown myself, yet in the midst of this struggle, my body is fighting for my life. A bright searing light pours through my closed eyelids and an agonising pain burns through the sides of my neck as my hands grasp at my neck and my nose. Even though I’m not inhaling I swear I can smell blood, I know if I don’t relax I will die. I was so certain that today was the last day of my life, but then my feet connect with the bottom of the sea floor. I stop panicking and kick up towards the light.

My face bursts through the water barrier back to the real world. Gasping for breath I keep batting at my neck as the burning sensation doesn’t fade away. It feels like there’s slits on both sides of my neck. I feel like I’m drowning on air whilst my mind wonders if I cut myself. I hear voices shouting in the distance as my vision fades and I collapse back under the water, face first…”

Written by Ling Lee (07/10/13)

This could be part of a new idea but I’m not sure that there’s enough of an audience for this subject. I love mermaid’s but all the mermaid books I have read are either for very young children or for 18+ adults. I was hoping to accidentally become one of my childhood favourite characters, but I wanted to keep this book for older readers 15yrs+ I want to follow through with my character’s difficult life. See what it feels like to give up on life but to then realise there’s a whole new world beyond what our eyes can see.

Categories: The Darkness, Writing Ideas | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Fallen: Story Extract

“Battling to block out the incessant cries, sporting hooligans howling through the speakers and the bickering. My need for quiet time has long ago passed. I sit here with tears full to the brim, concentrating with all the energy I have left to stop them from spilling over. Mentally trying to keep from losing control, I count, I recite my peaceful mantra, I breathe in and out slowly. Then the screaming and whining breaks through my last barrier and all hell breaks loose.

Shrieking whirlwinds whip around me, blurring my vision until the tears mingle with my burning eyes. Despair and hatred fuse together fighting to control my life. I’m slipping deeper and deeper into the recesses of darkness and I don’t think anyone is around to hear my pleas. Crumbling into a heap on the floor, tears pour through me from the depths of my heart.

I’m not even sure if it’s the stress, or the sadness, or regret, or defeat that has finally brought me down. I don’t think I have the strength to pick myself up to try again. Every step and every turn comes with more destruction and pain for me to endure. I’m not sure this torture is worth it if my life is made up of such bad times. I just want a moment of peace and a reminder of why I should bother trying to stand tall once again…”

Written by Ling Lee (12/08/13).

Everyone looks at my exterior and no one can see past the smile etched so painfully across my face. When a tear threatens to fall, I laugh out loud and wish I could as easily wipe away my sorrows.

Categories: Depression, Random Thoughts, Story Extract, The Darkness, Writing Ideas | Tags: , | Leave a comment

Summer Sadness: Story Extract

“On a hot summer day with the wind breezing gently through my hair, I hear children running and playing through the park. On a day like this I should have a smile on my face, lying on a blanket with a good book and a cool drink by my side. So with all the energy I can muster, my lips tighten into more of a grimace than a smile. Inside I am crumbling as my heart bleeds the tears that I cannot let slip through my eyelids. I close my eyes and look up into the sky, sunlight pierces through the darkness, blinding me but I still feel the raw ache in my chest. Crying out a silent prayer I wish for the pain to subside. I wish to feel nothing because having nothing and feeling nothing is better than this torment of darkness and misery. Every step I take feels like I’m dragging myself through a pool of water, cold and heavy footed, a transparent force pushing against my every move. With every breath I fight for air. I feel like I’m drowning but there’s no one there to help me.”

Written by Ling Lee (24/07/13).

One of my shorter extracts but I was cut off mid stride and now have not only a splitting headache but also a frustration that cannot be described. I hate losing concentration and being distracted from my end goal. But here is today’s piece.
I apologise for ruining a perfectly beautiful warm evening with my negative outbursts but this is what wants to be written.

Categories: Depression, Story Extract, The Darkness, Writing Ideas | Tags: , | Leave a comment

The Darkness: Story Extract

“Every waking moment I feel a huge void in my chest. The emptiness just eats away at me and sometimes I wish I could just disappear. I just want to be completely alone in total silence, without people, or birds or even the wind to distract me.

Engulfed by this dark aura, draining my will to live. I can hear it’s metallic tinkle of a laugh, mocking my existence. Waiting patiently to claim my lost soul. I’m drifting in frustration because there is still one thing left to live for, but the bad outweigh the good times so I’m not sure if my battle is worth fighting for.

Every sound is breaking me. The banging from the neighbour’s garden work is driving me insane. I want to head over and smack her with the shovel. I can feel the blood rushing through my veins, pumping and urging me to do it. I can see the darkness embrace me, welcoming me with open arms into it’s realm.

Every word that comes out of his mouth makes me want to sew his lips together so he can never upset me again. The darkness gives me a shove, encouraging me to act out my malicious thoughts. I hold on to my sense of morality and slowly count to 10. I hope the darkness passes, before I hurt one of those who have been making my life hell.

I still know what is right and what’s wrong, but it seems like everyone likes to balance and teeter in between. Soon I will fall one way or the other. It’s a shame good things just don’t like to come my way…”

Written by Ling Lee (17/07/13).

The darkness must be a wonderful place to be. When you no longer have to fight with the devil in you. But to laugh and to do as you please to anyone or anything who stands in your way.

I’m not sure if this means I’m becoming more lost by the day. Or if this is where my work likes to lead me. On a quest to fight the darkness and to emerge a better person, a better writer and a better soul.

Categories: Depression, Story Extract, The Darkness, Writing Ideas | Tags: , | Leave a comment

The Crying Child Smiles: Story Extract

“Woken by a muffled cry in the middle of the night, I sit up and peer into the darkness of my bedroom. The 13th night in a row and I’m starting to get worn out from these random awakenings.

I live on my own in this tiny little apartment that I don’t really consider home. No warmth and no love, just a shelter over my head and a place to store my necessities. The room I sleep in has a mattress on the floor, a bedside cabinet with a dim lamp, and a pile of creased clothes in a laundry basket.

At 35 years old having accomplished so much only to lose it all over one simple, irreversible mistake. Now I spend my days moping, trying to pull myself together and start all over again. It’s been nearly 2 years since she walked out on me. I begged for a second chance, I swore I would never do it again, I promised to give her anything she could ever ask for. But she said what I did was unforgivable, so now I deserve every waking moment of despair for breaking her heart.

The nightly cries are driving me crazy. It must be one of the neighbours with a young infant. I guess I should count myself lucky it only cries once a night. I’m not sure I could live many more days of my hellish life alongside a constantly crying kid to remind me of my sorrows.

Getting up, half stumbling and half groping across the lack of furnishing, I make my way into the bathroom for a quick drink under the tap. Being jobless with my savings dwindling almost to nothing, every penny counts.

As I look into the mirror, my distorted reflection stares back at me in a blurry mess. With the tap still running, I splash cold water on my face then run my hand across the countertop for a flannel. Jerking my hand back and swearing as my fingers make contact with the razor blade, I suck on the blood and make my way back to bed in the dark.

What an awful nights sleep. Tossing and turning, dreaming of crying babies and an abandoned child. I wake with a tear running down my face as sunlight filters through the window to greet me. I never thought of myself ever wanting a child, but the dreams were so real I can still feel the loss with a lump in my throat and a twisted feeling in my gut.

Today must be the first day in the last 2 years when I have woken up feeling something other than regret. Today I feel like I must do something meaningful because I feel like I found a strand of will to live again.

Getting up and being able to see is the first thing I’m thankful for. Heading into the bathroom I stand in front of the sink and decide I should probably start my new day by shaving. I wipe up the dried blood droplets from the night before and check my finger only to find it all healed up with a faint line as a reminder. If it wasn’t for the dried blood I would never believe it. What a quick recovery.

I look into the mirror and standing right beside me I see the child from my dream smiling at me. Jumping to my left I crash into the bedroom landing butt first on the floor, I look for the child only to find an empty room and my heart beating out of my chest…”

Written by Ling Lee (17/07/13).

Taking another turn in my work. I hope this worked and I hope you know what I am trying to get at. I feel like I might be too scared to write any more on this extract but this story is bursting to be written. I have a whole idea in my head but I keep scaring myself out of writing it. Did this piece work for you? I hope you all enjoyed this read! Once again, thank you for reading my work.

Categories: Story Extract, The Darkness, Writing Ideas | Tags: , , | 2 Comments

Inner Demon: Story Extract

“A blinding pain sears through my temples, pounding away behind my eyeballs. Eyelids clamped tightly shut, bloodshot, tortured eyes, crying out for relief.

Alongside the agony I can feel a presence grow stronger. Another me, fighting to escape, full of anger, revenge and darkness. All the bad times I have endured, every wrong inflicted upon my life. There’s a being inside of me growing stronger by the day, bursting to erupt into the real world outside of my imagination. Waiting to release all the pent up frustration, the built up stress, fed up of being walked all over.

I can see the once secure restraints slowly unfold as the frenzied cackling grows louder. I hear screaming and laughter in one unified voice. A fistful of long black hair laying limp in my hand and a slight burning sensation at the back of my scalp.

Tears roll down my cheeks whilst my hatred burns out from within, finally getting a taste of the real world. Then I find my self control and force my dark self to withdraw back into the recesses of my mind. I’m not ready to be taken away just yet. But my days are numbered as every time I lose control, my inner demons grow stronger…”

Written by Ling Lee (12/07/13).

Self control can easily be broken when to many stresses and strains take its toll. The pain is real, the inner demon is real. I love the idea of having something contained within us that fights to escape. Of seeing yourself struggle to keep it from taking over your life. This piece could easily be developed as schizophrenic character, or just an emergence of a psychopath. Too many ideas and too little time to voice myself…

Thanks again for your time and support! As always, please leave your comments 🙂

Categories: Depression, Secrets, Story Extract, The Darkness, Writing Ideas | Tags: , , | 2 Comments

Defeated: Writing Extract

“I hate what has become of me. Frustration crushes me as I fight to hold on to the passion I had for life. I wander each day like a lost soul roaming this world. I’m looking for a way out. For a new beginning, a new life.

Tears well in my eyes as my vision blurs in cloudy pools. My heart bleeds out in agony but nobody can see my open wounds.

Laying in the dark, alone and defeated, all hope has abandoned me. I don’t want to give up but no one deserves to live like this…”

Written by Ling Lee (03/07/13).

Categories: Depression, Story Extract, The Darkness | Leave a comment

Crumbling: Writing Extract

“My world crumbles as I watch myself fall apart and I can’t do anything to hold myself together. The ache in my heart drains my body of energy, of the will to go on.

With so much pressure mounting on my shoulders, each day becomes more of a struggle to fight through. I drag my body through every hardship, through every pain but I’ve forgotten what it’s all for.

I chose the one who has slowly destroyed my spirit. I need the one who can bring the smile back on my face. The one who wants to catch me when I fall and escape the one who pushes me over the edge.”

Written by Ling Lee (28/06/13).

Not one of my better pieces but a piece of writing all the same. Trying is better than giving up altogether. Today I must fight to get my spirit back.

Categories: Story Extract, The Darkness, Writing Ideas | 1 Comment

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.