“Any inspiration I had has suddenly vanished to be replaced by a vast span of emptiness. Black surrounds me from head to toe. Black hair, eyebrows, shirt, fingernails, trousers and shoes. Black is what I’ve become. An entity of darkness to match my sunken moods.
I sit there staring at nothing in particular, but staring none the less. I try to conjure up anything except darkness and glimpse only the many textures of black. Shiny like newly laid tarmac, matt like a painted canvas, rough like the coals on an unlit fire.
There’s no explanation and no logical reason but it happens of its own volition. An immense void that simultaneously suffocates and drowns me. I reach with frantic, clawing hands that fail to grasp hold of anything to keep me from falling. I’ve learnt to accept it as a part of who I am.
At first it was overwhelming to be alone and you feel like nobody understands you. Then little by little you learn that no one can help you, even if they understand. They can only stick by you until you grow strong enough to drag your sorry backside back into reality…”
Written by Ling Lee (25/05/13)
I can’t focus but I’m not entirely sure why. I just know I feel physically exhausted and mentally drained. I’m waiting for the moment to pass so I can jump right back up and think in colour. I apologise for the dreary outburst but what needs to be done has been done.