“Battling to block out the incessant cries, sporting hooligans howling through the speakers and the bickering. My need for quiet time has long ago passed. I sit here with tears full to the brim, concentrating with all the energy I have left to stop them from spilling over. Mentally trying to keep from losing control, I count, I recite my peaceful mantra, I breathe in and out slowly. Then the screaming and whining breaks through my last barrier and all hell breaks loose.
Shrieking whirlwinds whip around me, blurring my vision until the tears mingle with my burning eyes. Despair and hatred fuse together fighting to control my life. I’m slipping deeper and deeper into the recesses of darkness and I don’t think anyone is around to hear my pleas. Crumbling into a heap on the floor, tears pour through me from the depths of my heart.
I’m not even sure if it’s the stress, or the sadness, or regret, or defeat that has finally brought me down. I don’t think I have the strength to pick myself up to try again. Every step and every turn comes with more destruction and pain for me to endure. I’m not sure this torture is worth it if my life is made up of such bad times. I just want a moment of peace and a reminder of why I should bother trying to stand tall once again…”
Written by Ling Lee (12/08/13).
Everyone looks at my exterior and no one can see past the smile etched so painfully across my face. When a tear threatens to fall, I laugh out loud and wish I could as easily wipe away my sorrows.