“Woken by a muffled cry in the middle of the night, I sit up and peer into the darkness of my bedroom. The 13th night in a row and I’m starting to get worn out from these random awakenings.
I live on my own in this tiny little apartment that I don’t really consider home. No warmth and no love, just a shelter over my head and a place to store my necessities. The room I sleep in has a mattress on the floor, a bedside cabinet with a dim lamp, and a pile of creased clothes in a laundry basket.
At 35 years old having accomplished so much only to lose it all over one simple, irreversible mistake. Now I spend my days moping, trying to pull myself together and start all over again. It’s been nearly 2 years since she walked out on me. I begged for a second chance, I swore I would never do it again, I promised to give her anything she could ever ask for. But she said what I did was unforgivable, so now I deserve every waking moment of despair for breaking her heart.
The nightly cries are driving me crazy. It must be one of the neighbours with a young infant. I guess I should count myself lucky it only cries once a night. I’m not sure I could live many more days of my hellish life alongside a constantly crying kid to remind me of my sorrows.
Getting up, half stumbling and half groping across the lack of furnishing, I make my way into the bathroom for a quick drink under the tap. Being jobless with my savings dwindling almost to nothing, every penny counts.
As I look into the mirror, my distorted reflection stares back at me in a blurry mess. With the tap still running, I splash cold water on my face then run my hand across the countertop for a flannel. Jerking my hand back and swearing as my fingers make contact with the razor blade, I suck on the blood and make my way back to bed in the dark.
What an awful nights sleep. Tossing and turning, dreaming of crying babies and an abandoned child. I wake with a tear running down my face as sunlight filters through the window to greet me. I never thought of myself ever wanting a child, but the dreams were so real I can still feel the loss with a lump in my throat and a twisted feeling in my gut.
Today must be the first day in the last 2 years when I have woken up feeling something other than regret. Today I feel like I must do something meaningful because I feel like I found a strand of will to live again.
Getting up and being able to see is the first thing I’m thankful for. Heading into the bathroom I stand in front of the sink and decide I should probably start my new day by shaving. I wipe up the dried blood droplets from the night before and check my finger only to find it all healed up with a faint line as a reminder. If it wasn’t for the dried blood I would never believe it. What a quick recovery.
I look into the mirror and standing right beside me I see the child from my dream smiling at me. Jumping to my left I crash into the bedroom landing butt first on the floor, I look for the child only to find an empty room and my heart beating out of my chest…”
Written by Ling Lee (17/07/13).
Taking another turn in my work. I hope this worked and I hope you know what I am trying to get at. I feel like I might be too scared to write any more on this extract but this story is bursting to be written. I have a whole idea in my head but I keep scaring myself out of writing it. Did this piece work for you? I hope you all enjoyed this read! Once again, thank you for reading my work.