“Another day ending in defeat. The smile wiped clean off my face from the stress and strain of everyday life. With nothing to look forward to but a dream that is just a dream. I drag my sorry ass through every minute of every hour until there’s enough hours to call it a day.
The darkness of each night used to bring me comfort. But now I yearn for more. I’m very much in need of the biggest bear hug to lift me off my feet and remind me that I’m needed too. Then I realise there’s no one left in my life who cares enough to make it a hug that won’t feel awkward. Tears spring to my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. I just let that ball of frustration swell up in my throat and suffocate me.
I’m mentally drained. Physically drained. I sit on the floor, propped up against the side of the bed. Arms dangling by my sides, lifeless. I feel like I’m supposed to be ashamed of giving up. Yet somehow it feels like this is my only option. I just want to lay here forever. I don’t want to drag myself through another day of existence.
I allow myself to collapse onto the floor, face first, straight into the carpet. It hurts but I don’t care anymore. I just close my eyes and sigh and let my body choose whether I wake up to live another day or to give up existing right here right now…”
Written by Ling Lee (04/03/13).
Fuelled by some unpleasant thoughts and people in my life. Disappointment in a person I keep hoping is a friend. Resentment of where I am in life today. Self pity is a nasty feeling but at least it fuels my work and helps me reach my dream.
I still strive to be inspired by something good in my life, but still, the negative dominates my work.