“A time in my past that I regret with all my heart. I never ment to hurt you for you deserved nothing but the best. You were good to me for the whole of our brief encounter.
As I write these words, my heart aches with the sorrow that I left you feeling. A pain that should be born upon me and my life only. With words on a page, and a memory so few. I walked out of your life but lived on in your memories.
As a teenager I was a wild one. Balancing on the threshold of rebellion and always testing the boundaries.
No matter how many times I say I am sorry, it will never be enough to compensate for my mistakes.
Here’s a moment that I’m sure no one else knows. Today I share a secret. You were the first to ever give me flowers. I’m sorry I was afraid to keep them, I wasn’t supposed to be dating. I always remembered because you were such a romantic. Just as I was and I still yearn, for romance to be a big part of my life.
You wanted to protect me from day one. I remember when you used to carry my bag and walked me to every class. I remember wondering how you managed to get to my classes before I left the room. Were you always late for your own classes? You used to smile that radiant smile and wanted nothing but to make me happy. You were quiet and shy in front of me, but well loved and full of energy among your knit of friends. They were right to judge me, to dislike me, because they saw how I didn’t just make you smile. I managed to not only hurt you. I left you with nothing but words on a page. Yet the angel that you are never once said an unkind word to me. Instead you keep those words hidden from the rest of the world and cherish a moment from our childhood days.
Upon looking back, I wish you had fought for me and kept me from making more mistakes. I wish you had held me from falling into the darkness. I wish you didn’t love me enough to let me walk away. I guess I never deserved to have you.
Now you are back to keep me from giving up on what matters. Now you stand by my side and help me fight for my dreams, fight to be happy. As I rest my head upon your shoulder, I relax because I know you will hold me through this night. Keep me from the dark, the bad and the loneliness.
Will I ever be satisfied with what I have? As right now I need to hear your voice remind me of the love once shared. To be taken back to the time when a kiss wasn’t just a kiss, but a whole moment that would stand still in our lives. Like a photograph etched in our minds, on the day you gave me flowers. Sitting there on that market bench, that moment, we shared a kiss, our kiss for life.”
Written by Ling Lee (21/01/13).
Although these words are written by me, more importantly they were given as a gift of inspiration.
I see flashes of beauty and light in my life again. I thank you for your forgiveness, for your love, your protection and more importantly for your friendship and your arms to fall into when I am not strong enough to fight. Thank you for your kindness and your romantic nature.
A note for my readers: Never forget that my life is a blur. Any moment or any part could be completely made up or so real that I write through tear filled eyes and an aching heart.