“Restless as I toss and turn in bed, tangling myself in the bedsheets. I kick out the covers and try again. Pulling the duvet to cover myself only to feel suffocated and hot. I fling the sheets off then feel cold and exposed. It’s going to be an extremely long night as I wait to hear of any news from you.
No news is good news right? Yet under these circumstances I’m sure that no news means the worst has happened? “Please let God be with you, please let God be with you”, in between my tiresome struggle against sleep, I recite my mantra over and over again. Believing that the more I repeat it and the more I offer in return, the more likely you will be free and then that will be the end of it all.
‘Please God let everything work out for him and I promise to never doubt you again, in return for his freedom and safety I would give up my life. Just take my life instead because I wouldn’t want to live a single moment without him. Please save him, please save him.’
Throughout this traumatising night I guess I must have somehow drifted off into a fitful sleep. Being dragged deeper into alternative darker endings, clawing at the air, and bargaining with my soul for this ordeal to be over.
Daylight filters in through the open curtains, burning and blinding me before I can make sense of reality and what is really happening.
Tomorrow is a new day. So I hope for your sake tomorrow is a better day.”
Written by Ling Lee.
Inspired by the only person in my life who truly knows what it is like to be like me. Thank you for pulling me out of my darkest hours. During those moments, if it wasn’t for you, I could have fallen in too far for recovery.
Everyday I feel like I am finding my way. Getting closer to pulling together enough scraps of story extracts to create my first novel. In my mind I now have a good idea what my story will be about but I need more drama and I need more solutions to make this work.
With my thoughts and ideas working hard into the nights, I wake up every morning feeling pride in being one step closer to my dream coming true.
Many thanks for your support. Thank you for reading this post.