Monthly Archives: November 2012

A poem (untitled)

Clawing to escape this body
My soul screams a silent plea
Blinded by self destruction
I have no control

Piercing pain pounds through my temple
Threatening to restrain me
A feeble cry for help is made
Unheard, you are not there

When agony strangles the hope inside
I let the darkness over ride
Today I have no strength to fight
But tomorrow, tomorrow I might.

Not really sure where this came from but sometimes the darkness takes over. I’m fine, but something just made me feel like I was supposed to write this today.

For me, this is to remind people it’s ok to admit defeat. You can’t stand tall every single day of your life and beat everything that stands in your way.
Sometimes you just have to admit that you have fallen but tomorrow you can get right back up and try again.

Categories: Emotions, Poetry, The Darkness | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Time to smile: One for the ladies

Here’s a thought to put a smile on your faces ladies:

Imagine your dream man:
Vin diesel’s muscles
Ian somerhalder’s eye’s and smile
Christian Grey’s bedside manners

Now imagine your favourite place(s) in the world:
On a beach anywhere hot
On a cruise ship somewhere exotic
Relaxing at a spa

Now put your dream man and dream location together and let your imagination run wild ๐Ÿ˜›

Hmm…
His smouldering silvery blue eyes gaze at you until u look at him. He winks at you and makes you giggle.
Big strong muscles wrap around you to show everyone you are important to him.
That slow sexy smile plays across across his lips to show you he wants you.
His deep throaty voice beside your ear whispering to you he loves you for always.
His full moist lips kiss your forehead, your eyes, your cheeks then your mouth.
His hand entwined in yours pinning your arms above your head.
Never once does his eyes leave yours, he wants to please you and make u beg for more…

Happy daydreaming girls ๐Ÿ™‚ x

Categories: Secrets, Things I love | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

My Favourite Books: What’s yours?

Here’s a quick list of my favourites with summaries to follow soon:

(I started writing summaries but then I realised my post was getting rather long so I may have to do individual blogs for each of my all time favourites. Just my list of favourites could get a bit long winded.)

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See: This book is based on olden day China when foot binding was still in fashion. The torturous ritual is described in much detail and the book explores how women grew stronger and became heard amongst the men. A beautifully written novel.

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
A story about the struggles in life where a poor girl is sold into the Geisha world. Learning how to serve and entertain men, how to be beautiful, talented and the importance of the Tea Ceremony resemblance in Japan. This book follows Satsu through her entire life, telling her story on her career where she has many rivals who strive to be number 1. Her fight to be the best that she can be is told in a very emotional story.

Otori Trilogy by Lian Hearn (Across the nightingale floor book 1)
A series based on Feudal Japan and Samurai clans. This book follows Takeo, a man on his quest to avenge his father. Takeo is taken in by a clan lord who trains him to be a warrior and helps him fulfill his dream. Takeo climbs the ranks meeting love and loss on his journey. One of my very favourite series. Worth re-reading, very highly recommended!

Hunger Games Trilogy
I got through this series amazingly quickly. Please read the book and don’t watch the movie!

Fifty Shades Trilogy by EL James
A very steamy series, with lots of sex and Bondage. Recommended as bedtime reading and probably best to read alone. Christian Grey, such a wonderful character. It’s nice to see the change in him brought on by innocent Anastasia. How a broken man can be fixed by love.

Shopaholic Series by Sophie Kinsella
Not my usual choice but very glad I picked these up. Being not much of a shopper, I was extremely surprised that I enjoyed this series. All about designer clothes and accessories. How a normal girl is completely and utterly obsessed with shopping. A fun and easy to read series. Recommended as Summer reading.

Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer
My love for Vampires makes me automatically biased toward these books. Well done Stephanie Meyer for having her own idea on why vampires hate sunlight. This series is about Bella the human, Edward the Vampire and Jacob the werewolf. What a combination! Vampires and werewolves hate one another but they must tolerate one another for the sake of a human that they both love. High school is so much more interesting as a Vampire!

Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr
Faeries… Not all lovely, small and nice! I love Melissa Marr’s imagination. You have summer faeries, winter faeries, dark faeries all with their own queens and kings. Strengths and weaknesses depending on the time of year. In my mind, everything sprung to life. Even in my mid 20’s this series was a nice find! Recommended for anyone with an open mind.

P.S I Love You by Cecelia Ahern
A real tear jerker. One message every month, for a year after he died. To help his loved one learn to carry on living without him. Every girl must read this one! (Hope that didn’t sound too sexist!)

Magician’s Guild by Trudi Canavan
Magic! I can’t decide if I enjoy magic or vampire books more!

Time Traveller’s Wife

Heidi

Harry Potter Series

Well I’ve shared a few of mine so here’s a question for you:

What’s your favourite book(s) of all time?

Looking forward to your recommendations ๐Ÿ™‚

Categories: Books, Secrets, Things I love | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Born at 25 weeks: My little baby’s survival story (summary)

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Today is the story of my son Myles. He is 2 today but he has come a long way!

I will try to keep this post all about Myles and as brief as I can, try to summarize his story.

Date of birth: 22nd November 2010. (Chinese Zodiac: Year of the Tiger).
He was born at 25 weeks gestation (15 weeks early) and weighed 1 lb, 9oz (748g).

Before he was born the doctors at Northampton General Hospital warned us that Myles would most likely not be breathing at birth and would need to be ventilated as soon as he was born, if he survived.

It was a long 4 hours before I was given any news on his condition as he was whisked away almost immediately after being born. I was given the briefest of moments with him. He barely touched my chest before doctors rushed him into an incubator to have him stablised.

My little Tiger boy is a fighter. Doctors warned of his 50% chance survival rate of even making the trip home one day. Then out of those survivors only 50% of those had a shot at leading a real normal life without debilitating disabilities.

On day 2 of his birth we almost lost him. Even the doctors had called the family in to explain the situation. His lungs started bleeding heavily and we were told to be prepared for the worst. There was also high possibilities of brain haemorrhaging overnight, or further bleeding to the lungs. The following 24 hours were crucial for him having any chance at all.

So many other obstacles along the way. He caught a cold quite early on, which to a normal child isn’t so bad. But for a premature baby born so early there can be many complications.

He needed heart surgery at 2 months of age. (Even then he was still supposed to be safe inside mummy’s tummy.) He had a hole in his heart that never had the chance to close as he was born so early. On the day of surgery he still weighed less than 1 kg.

After surgery, he had to work on regulating his own body temperature, had to learn to feed from a bottle as he was always fed via a tube through his mouth or nose. Feeding was chaos. He didn’t know how to breathe, then suck, then swallow. But when he realised what he had to do we then found out that he couldn’t keep the milk down. He was sick after almost every feed. He was fed at 2 hourly intervals all day and night at first, but gradually he became stronger and settled into a better routine. After learning to drink from a bottle, he then had to learn to eat real food. This was an even more difficult task. In the early days he would gag after every first mouthful and refuse food. If he was too full, he would bring all the food back up again along with the milk. Being highly intolerant to dairy and a possibility of any other food group ment that his baby food had to be made with extreme caution as to what ingredients were used. Cleaning up milk/food after every feed became a very exhausting chore. But the bigger issue was any long term damage this could cause to his little self.

Myles was on oxygen, from birth, for 170 days at hospital. At first he was ventilated, meaning that he fully relied on the machines to pump oxygen into his body. As he grew stronger, he gradually began to take partial breaths, then was allowed to breath on his own for short periods of time each day, until he was finally weaned off the oxygen and machines completely. We were told he would highly likely be taken home with oxygen, which was to be fitted into the house. But my little man surprised the doctors and nurses once again.

Somehow with the help of the amazing doctors and nurses in Gosset ward my little fighter beat the odds. After 176 days in hospital he finally made the final step home.

Today he is 2. His eyesight and hearing is fine, he is walking and running. Cheeky and naughty just like all children his age. Although he has an intolerance to cows’ milk, his other dietary needs are fine.

He’s still a bit on the small side and the only thing he hasn’t yet caught up on is his speech. There are so far no serious concerns as he is making all the sounds and signs of learning to talk any day now. I bet when he does he will never stop chattering away!

Sometimes I even forget that he has had such a rough start. Every child can drive their parents crazy, but whenever I think back and remember when he used to be so tiny and fragile, I blink back my tears. I am forever grateful to all the staff who ever looked after my little Tiger. If it wasn’t for the wonderful team at Gosset Ward, Northampton General Hospital, my little man wouldn’t be here with us today.

So any of you parents out there with premature babies or friends with premature babies… There’s always hope! My little Boy’s survival story ๐Ÿ™‚

Please feel free to ask any questions or add any prem baby difficulties of your own to this post x

Categories: Family, Health | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Poem: Winter Lovers

Raindrops falling, sun is hiding
Grey clouds fill the winter sky

Leaves are rustling, branches shaking
Strong winds rush between the trees

Outdoor walking, tears are falling
Sadness makes me head back home

Phone is ringing, you are calling
On the doorstep there you are

No more sulking, no more crying
All is right when you are mine

Indoor heating, fire blazing
Snug and cosy, you with me

Girls is smiling, boy is laughing
Life should always be like this

Categories: Emotions, Poetry, Seasons | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A poem for winter: (Untitled)

First ray of light filtering through my window
Snug and warm curled under the duvet

Seeing the frost spreading far and wide
I wont be deceived by winters kiss

A chill has spread deep into my soul
My heart has frozen still as crystal

Catch a glimpse of me from afar
Beautiful in the glimmering light

Please be gentle with my delicate form
Only hold me if it’s for forever

Categories: Poetry, Seasons, Secrets | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Blog off

Not really feeling the love. Feel like logging off and taking a day out of life and just hiding under the duvet until I get bored.

Should blogging be just personal or is it supposed to be all for the reader?

Some days I feel like it should be me, me, me. But then as I stand today, I am still a nobody in this world trying to make a name and a dream come true.

Today I wish I were writing for any and all readers. But I still fear coyright issues. I also realise that any work and material I ever hope to use for publication must be “first time use” and “never seen before”, so that makes my journey all the more difficult.

With no excerpts out for sample and no real material even close for publication, I have a long, long way to go.

My aim is still to keep blogging on a hopefully regular basis. At least this shows dedication even if I achieve nothing else for a while.

I am hoping to have a routine in place in the near future so that I can sit, or lie around and write without interruptions. Just me, my pen and my notebook that I hate making mistakes in.

I love writing with pen and paper but it’s just not practical to have to type up all the words again when I decide that I want to use it.

Today’s blog was all me having a go at free writing but I just couldn’t help myself and had to correct a little here and a little there.

Nothing useful but it’s better than allowing myself to even consider letting go of my dream. Must. Keep. Writing.

Blog on ๐Ÿ˜€

Categories: Emotions | 1 Comment

Vampires: A Secret About Me

Vampires: Creatures of the night, immortal, inhuman strength, fangs, feed on blood (preferably human), insanely acute hearing, amazing speed. Its only weakness is sunlight, decapitation or a stake to the heart.

I have a taken a deep interest in Vampires. Ever since I was a young girl, I always wanted to believe that they exist. How amazing would it be to live forever? You would have all the time in the world to accomplish everything you set your heart to.

I have watched as many Vampire movies as I have heard of. I am currently still trying to read through the list of vampire books that are out there. There is such an extensive list of books, I’m not sure that I will manage to complete this reading list but I will give it a good try ๐Ÿ˜€

The “Twilight Saga” was fun and easy to read. The characters came to life in my imagination and I always thought “How wonderful would it feel to be Bella?”. Loved by 2 different races of supernatural creatures. Protected by so many who care for her so much they would die for her. Unfortunately the Movie didn’t do the book any justice. The vampires looked too pale, the cast all looked expressionless which was such a disappointment compared to how everything came to life in my thoughts. No offence intended but the movie looked low budget and not even close to how Stephanie Myers portrayed the people and scenes in her writing.

I am currently watching the Vampire Diary TV Series. Every time I watch an episode I wish time could stand still so I can enjoy my guilty pleasure for the rest of time.

There’s a whole collection of vampire books that entice readers into the dark side. The “Black Dagger Brotherhood” by J R Ward is a wonderful series that I am slowly taking my time to enjoy. This series is all about the fight between Vampires with different beliefs. The ones who want to destroy, enslave and feed from humans and the ‘Brotherhood’ who thrive for order and peace between humans and their own race.

“A Discovery of Witches” by Deborah Harkness. This book took a while to warm to, but the more you read, the more you get pulled into the story.

Sherrilyn Kenyon’s “Dark Hunter” series is a very much adult series. With very explicit imaginative scenes between vampires with their many supernatural powers. Although I have only read one book from this series, this is highly recommended.

“The House of Night” series by P.C Cast is for younger vampire lovers. More for young teens. This series is about a boarding school for vampires who are distinguished by their tattoo like ‘markings’, the more powerful they are, the more intricate and extravagant their markings become. With a strong sense of elemental magic weaved into this story. The series explores ย friendships, change in people, saving people and more creatures of the night.

This was just the start to my discovery of Vampires. When I have more time I will be adding to this never ending compilation of what I would personally recommend. Whether it be books, movies or TV series, anything and everything to do with Vampires will be coming soon.

Please keep reading, make suggestions and please support me in my journey to be a writer. Many Thanks.

Categories: Secrets, Things I love, Vampires | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”

Why is it when you try to be there for someone, you turn out to be the only person they don’t need.ย Or the one person you wish would be there for you forever is always the one that lets you down?

Don’t let that person get you down. No one deserves to be hurt by someone they care for. Sometimes it can hurt so much you wish that you never existed, but never forget the good times because they will come around again.

When someone hurts you, remember the pain, learn from it. Every experience in life can make you a better person, you just need to stay strong and fight to make things right again.

Turn to the one who wants to listen because they care, and not the one that just wants to gossip.

Live to fight another day and smile because tomorrow is a new day.

Categories: Emotions | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Free Writing

The best way to beat writer’s block…
The idea is writing anything is better than nothing.

Nothing is important other than getting words onto paper. No correcting grammar, spelling or punctuation. Just write whatever comes to mind and don’t stop until u hit the time limit that u set before u start.

The point is to make you write no matter what the words might be. So that u can’t just be stuck in that state of mind thinking you have nothing to write.

Even if at the end of your set time limit your writing is useless. At least you had a session of writing instead of feeling down for being caught in a writer’s block.

Free your mind. Let your imagination take over. Explore an imaginary universe. Create magic, creatures, lands, animals, beasts, monsters. You may discover a whole new world that you never knew existed within yourselves.

Have fun, keep writing and keep sharing all x

Categories: Free Writing, Writer's Block | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

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